Do you find yourself so busy doing things for other people that you have no time for yourself?
Does everyone know that they can count on you for anything?
Do you do things for people so they won’t be mad, upset or disappointed with you?
If any or all of these are going on, you are most likely a people pleaser and guess what, I was one too!
I thought to be a good wife, mom, and friend meant that you had to make sure everyone is happy, which meant saying yes to everything. Doing this was at the expense of myself.
I was a great people pleaser!
So why do we people please?
It is about wanting to be more liked, accepted and loved as well as us fearing rejection.
When we are people pleasing, we are looking for others to give us feelings that we are wanting.
There are so many times that the things, feelings we want most are the ones that we are not giving to ourselves. I had no idea how not to look for other people to provide me with what I so desperately wanted.
Relying on other people to give us those feelings will never work no matter how hard we try.
Being a people pleaser is also our way of trying to control other people’s opinions about ourselves, and if we don’t do an excellent job of that, then there is a chance that they will reject us or that we failed somehow.
That fear of rejection and/or fear of failure sets ourselves up for putting ourselves last.
Spending so much of our days thinking and doing what other people want, what we think we should do or what we believe is expected of us is a time sucker, wastes energy, increases our stress and causes us to struggle to lose weight.
I know for me I thought I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart, but then I would end up feeling hurt if I didn’t get thanked.
Or
I would spend so much time worrying that I offended them, or they were mad at me when they didn’t respond to my text immediately.
Or
I felt resentment and bitterness, thinking I was “being taken for granted.”
All of this was exhausting!
No wonder I had no time to do what I needed to lose weight because I was exhausted, overwhelmed and didn’t want to deal with anything more, so I dove straight into the carton of ice cream at the end of the day.
I felt that the demands on me were too much, which led to me feeling stressed because “it was all on me” and even felt depressed because so much of the time I felt like I was a failure that I could not make people happy or them be happy with me.
So imagine how your life would change if you were no longer worried or concerned about pleasing people and what they thought of you.
I know for me when I let go of people-pleasing that was when I stopped holding myself back.
When I stopped being everything to everyone and put myself first, not in a selfish way, but making myself a priority, I lost 100 pounds.
But more importantly, when I made myself a priority, I had more patience and compassion for myself and then for others. I no longer felt depleted, so I had so much more to give to others; funny, huh?
Why?
Because I budgeted my time on what was important in my life, and from this place, I was able to decrease the stress and stress affects everything!
So if you are a people pleaser, is it time to let it go?
For too many years, I put myself last, but learning to put myself first was the best thing I ever did. It allowed me to give more to others, which is so empowering! I also no longer needed other people’s love and approval; I gave that to myself!
Being my authentic self feels so freeing!
Hugs,
Karen,
Certified Weight, Emotional Eating and Confidence Coach
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