Are you feeling sorry for yourself?

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I was so good at feeling sorry for myself during my weight loss years. I was the Queen of self-pity that went on inside of me, there was so much of that going on. The biggest pity party I had was that I was 240 lbs., as if I had nothing really do to with that, right!


What is the definition of self-pity? It is excessive self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles. Well that totally fit where I was with the situation with my weight, my body and my life. 


Did you know that self-pity is an emotion, a feeling and it is not useful at all for us, even though so many of us who have weight problems spend a lot of time with it.


Self-pity has us feeling so bad and unhappy which then has us feeling even worse. So why do we get into self-pity? We don’t choose to feel sorry for ourselves as it is coming from our unconscious brain? When we have self-pity, that is us thinking that we are a victim of our own circumstances. We are thinking and feeling that something should be different. We then give in and feel sorry for ourselves instead of looking at the circumstance as something that we can change, as it is always changeable. Self-pity is an indulgent emotion that gets us nowhere.


Let’s put self-pity in the Model. I discussed how to use the Model in an earlier blog. Self-pity is a feeling so for example, when I had a feeling regarding the fact that I weighed 240 lbs., the action I took was quitting before I even got started, not even trying to take any small steps. I gave up and as a result I didn’t lose any weight. It only made me eat more. Giving up was me failing on purpose and that is what self-pity did to me


Quitting didn’t lessen the self-pity, it only made me self-pity myself more. I felt so sorry for myself that poor me, I weighed 240 lbs., I quit and then felt even more sorry for myself after I quit because I quit. This just kept the downward spiral going of feeling sorry for myself because “nothing works for me”. I blamed the diet and other people or feeling sorry for my decisions instead of acknowledging it was the self-pity that had me feeling and acting the way I did. 


When you are in self-pity mode, that is you claiming your helplessness. You must realize if you are feeling sorry for yourself that you are where you are, then decide to make a change in how you think and feel, and really in how you are seeing yourself. If you don’t do this you will only end up failing on purpose and quitting ahead of time.


Are you complaining, blaming, and think your life should be different or that you deserve better? If this is something you are doing it is time to find what’s causing this thinking that has you in self-pity. Get out a piece of paper and start doing your thought download, write it all down! Acknowledge that it is not serving you at all and that you no longer want to be feeling this self-pity. You want something different such as motivation, hope, excitement and happiness. It is up to you, you can feel these things if you choose to.


Just imagine if you felt motivated or excited. That would feel so much better and lighter then self-pity. With that new feeling, the actions you take will be so much different. You will start to make those small changes needed to lose weight and as a result, you will lose the weight. Isn’t this so much better than feeling self-pity and quitting?


Self-pity is useless in your life, you don’t need it. It is time to let go of feeling sorry for yourself, to let go of all the drama you have created with the self-pity. It is time to show up for your life. Yes, it might not be easy so just accept that because that is the only way to get to where you are wanting to go. 

Hugs Karen


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